Simply put there is not place like India, I spent 10 Days traversing the Golden Triangle. It’s a majestic blend of ancient traditions, customs and rich diverse culture. Massive gaps between the rich and poor, amazing wildlife and home of one of the seven wonders of the world. But most importantly the foods! OMFG This is definitely a place I will come back to again an again, heres why. This is a my 10 WTF’s of India:
- Traffic is definitely “interesting” here. Cows freely prowl the streets along with transgender hookers who will give you a blessing for a couple of rupees (not a sexual euphemism). But the biggest WTF is the honking! Honking can be a “I’m coming through”, “Get out of my way“, “Look over there”, “what a great day”, “I ❤️U” or simply a “Fuck You”. Whichever way you put it, it’s intense but my favourite part is how to cross the street: stick out one arm to the direction of the traffic, turn away your head and calm walk across the street in a pedestrian pace to indicate to drivers that you ain’t go NO TIME for there rules, you make your own money BYE FELICA’S 😏😒😏😒
- When heading out to some of the more prominent tourist spots such as the the Red Fort, River Ganges, India Gate Monument etc. you will inevitably come across street gawkers trying to sell you everything from a brick, photos or some crystal meth (if you’re so inclined). The best thing though is that with a perfect Australian/American/German or wherever you are from accent they will negotiate a price ad when the deal is done exclaim a “Oh no Australian Dollars” – Mate I appreciate your creative selling techniques but please fuck off Kthanksbyeee 😳😱😂😒
- A more pleasant WTF moment – the foods! I cannot stress enough how amazing all the foods are! I didn’t even have any meat when I was there because there are more vegetarian only restaurants than ones that serve meat, AND there is more choice than salads! I have no idea what I was eating half the time and point to something random on a menu and took a shot and was never disappointed. It is 15 new and different sensations going on in my mouth that make no sense but just roll with it, it’s amazing but you may suffer from some Delhi Belly – it is a price you pay and one I will gladly keep paying 😁😁🥘☕️🍽🤤🤤
- On the talk of edibles, try a Bang Lassi – like a normal mango lassi except afterwards you’re gonna have a REAL good time and feel AMAZINNNG 👍🏽🙌🏽
- Oh and last one on this subject! India has surprising good BEER! I know who knew, but it’s true it’s called Kingfisher and is a really good easy drinking blonde! Highly recommend and if you want something stronger try some triple X rum. I could establish why it was so sexual during my time in India but I can assure you it is tastes like a spicy aphrodisiac! 🍺🍺🍺
- Take numerous selfies and instgram’s at the Taj Mahal, pay no mind to the intimidating security guards and police officers who threaten to shoot you because of your immoral poses – I was doing poses guys like I mean c’mon!
- No trip to India is complete without taking a long-distance train! Just bear in mind a few things, you will see cockroaches running around near your head, potential bag thieves, people with no respect for personal hygiene or personal space but if you persevere you will be rewarded with a dirt cheap cup of Masala Tea while you gaze out the window to the sweeping landscapes and oh wait countless children, grown men and a very liberal old woman shitting on the rail roads and facing only you! 😳😳😷😷😂😂
- Speaking of, to the mean of India I have one little request USE A FUCKING TOILET! every which way you look you will be confronted with an array of dicks pissing everywhere. Now it’s not Friday night and I am alarmingly sober, I don’t need to see this. I am aware that when you gotta go you gotta go but PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, at least try find some privacy or at the very least a bush! 😱🤢😱🤢
- Be also prepared for such intense friendliness that you feel like Beyonce, you will routinely be asked to be in family photos, hold babies, invited to everyone’s for tea and personally escorted to wherever you may wish to go! The hospitality is beyond class! 😍😘😘😘😍
- Lastly, people worry about being “safe” in India, the best WTF fact is that there is absolutely no need to feel that way! There are security guards everywhere and EVERYONE is genuinely soooo nice and just wants to show you around there hood. Embrace the chaos and live the definition of hustle and bustle.
With a population of nearly 1 Billion people, India can easily be intimidating but rest assured there are at least a couple of friends there, you just haven’t met them yet! I shall be back to explore the South and one day! Till then India 🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳