Holy fucking shit Iceland legit blew my mind. Trust me when I tell you that you will die, chuck a Jesus and come back when you see this joint. Bitch I got some shit to tell, so strap in and pay attention: This is my 10 point plan to make the most of your Icelandic experience 😍🙌🏽🇮🇸
- Spontaneously take a long weekend from work in Sweden for a romantic getaway to Iceland..with 3 friends you may have abused into coming with you 🙄🙄🙄 Arrive over 7 hours late because your budget airline is shit and you got what you paid for, not the best start but hey I’m full of positive vibes and a great attitude 😒😇
- While your mate waits for you she checks out one of the world’s only “Penis Museum“, but you being the amazing person you are gets the rental car (you fucking need it, cause there ain’t no public transport baby) 💁🏽💁🏽💁🏽
- You begin exploring the ridiculous landscape, the rolling hills look straight out of alien movie where your waiting for Sigourney Weaver to narrate your life. You admire the million freaking waterfalls that just erupt from effing nowhere 👧🏼😱
- The drive is long but not that long, I suggest preparing a dope-ass playlist (coming soon 😘), continuously stop at potentially dangerous pit stops by the highways to take photos where you pose and pretend your not freezing your tits off as you do so 💅💇🏽
- After paying and arm and leg for your ticket to the Blue Lagoon you set off, get creeped out by the amount of unsolicited dicks you seen waved around your face, but it’s all good because after you ran into the hot spring water you feel AMAZING, make full and appropriate use of the free task mask station, going 17 times in the space of an hour is absolutely okay 😌💁🏽🛀🏽💇🏽😌
- Another day and another glacier lagoon, without a doubt my fav part of the whole trip, it was amazing! If you do nothing else GO THERE!
- Everyone is actually super friendly. Fun fact: Icelanders can still read hundred year old Viking Saga‘s because their language hasn’t changed much; I thought I might be okay with it-ish with my Swedish going great – I absolutely did not ☹️☹️☹️
- Check out the epic Church in the middle of town, yeah I know Jesus whatever, no it’s not that, the actual building looks straight outta some Game of Thrones style shit! Same with the Opera House (not as great as Sydney’s but hey I maybe biased); Icelanders definitely do not fuck around with their architecture
- When driving be ready for a sudden flood of wooly sheep to just appear, like the Northern Lights you failed to fucking see because of some fucking clouds😒😒😒 (still pissed about that), when it happens you strap in and wait for their little wooly asses to move – they will take their time 🐐🐏🐑
- Oh and the Black Beach you went to, locals believe elfs live there and will tell you about them relentless, just go with it. But then question everything you hold true when you stumble upon a fucking dinosaur fish head on the beach (see below) 😳😳
I know what your thinking, “Shut your whore mouth Roy” NO, get fucked! I NEEED you to understand how amazing this place is! This joint produced Bjork and Of Monsters & Men for a reason, take it and breathe that fresh air, there aint nothing like it – trust me.